found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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