i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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