Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
