weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
sex in a hospital.. check
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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