It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
