you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
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I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom