her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
