So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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