woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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