So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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