I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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