Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
