They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
