I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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