we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
