So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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