an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
