alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
