woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
