I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
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Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
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Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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