We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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