just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
two words...techno handjob
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
