Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize