Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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