belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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