I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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