Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
