She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
