omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
