I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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