Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
