So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize