i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
