real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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