Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
