we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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