Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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