I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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