are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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