dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
