i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
