If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
