I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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