HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
