my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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