is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
