Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
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