I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
