You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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