so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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