I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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