You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
