I think my vagina is haunted
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
