yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
