Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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