Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
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Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
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Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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