ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
