brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
