Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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