Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
