Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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