conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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