You were right. It hurts to walk today.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
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The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
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Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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