that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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