I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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