She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
