I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
