you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
